Sudden Onset Christmas Yearning
I was raised by roman catholic parents, and our family has always celebrated Christmas. We have quite a few traditions, one of which is decorating the inside of the house (no exterior decorating occurs because my dad doesn’t feel like putting lights up and taking them down...ever). We like to drive around the neighborhood and look at all the lights and displays on Christmas eve while enjoying a huge thermos of hot chocolate, which seems to run out way too quickly every year. My mom likes to buy my sister and I (and sometimes herself!) matching Christmas pajamas that we unwrap the night before the big day. For as long as I can remember, my sister and I would always try to stay up as long as possible into the night, even when we weren’t concerned about ‘catching’ Santa.
However, in recent years I haven’t felt as excited for the holiday. I’m not sure if it was because I had to grow up so much once I was in college, like having to start actually buying gifts for my family members instead of my mom paying for things I’d picked out at the store. Or maybe it was because I announced my atheism and felt uncomfortable attending mass on Christmas eve (and possibly seeing bullies from my childhood). But whatever the case was, I just haven’t been feeling Christmassy for a few years.
This year, I’m totally ready. Just a few days before Christmas I’ll be moving into a new house (not our first pick, but arguably a better outcome)! I’ll have my own front door to decorate and we’ll be able to have our very own house Christmas tree for the first time in 4 years. I’m looking forward to baking cookies and watching holiday movies. I’m excited about the gifts I’ve planned for both my biological and chosen family members. But most importantly, I’m ready to have time off of school. This semester has been absolutely brutal to all of us, and I’m no exception. I’ve been so busy trying to keep up with schoolwork, combined with working 3 jobs, that I haven’t had much time to actually relax in months.
I am anxiously awaiting the first snow of the season (even if it has been in the 60s this week) because I found some insulated gear at the thrift store that I cannot wait to wear. I want to watch our dog frolicking in the snow leaving little paw-shaped dents in the slush within our fenced backyard. And I want to feel at home, safe in my fiance’s arms after 4 long years of living long distance.