Strange encounters I’ve had as a non-binary queer person
I know for a fact some of you reading this are trans, so hi :D. As for the rest of ya, I hope that reading this collection of anecdotes gives you a bit of an idea how much random BS trans people have to put up with on a daily basis.
Note: These are just some of the INTERESTING or STRANGE situations I’ve been in. I am not going to go further than mentioning dead naming and misgendering, because I feel those are the most obvious symptoms-of-being-surrounded-by-straight-people. I am also not going into dysphoria of any kind because it’s common enough that I feel we as trans people are tired of hearing about it.
About a year ago, I had cut my hair short and dyed it all sorts of bright colors. Of course, being a queer person and lover of rainbows, I was also wearing my normal multicolored garb. One day, as I was leaving the bathroom, someone shouted at me as I was walking away. Normally this would be a red flag for me, and make me panic and anticipate a bout of the good ole transphobia, but the words they had yelled were “I’ll go with you!” Once I recovered from being shouted at as I was just trying to go back to work, I remembered that there was a hashtag aptly named #IllGoWithYou a while back that was used to show support for trans people. The idea behind the hashtag is that cis bystanders would outwardly show their support for trans people (especially trans women), and offer to stick with them if they needed to use a public restroom, the goal being to avoid those pesky hate crimes. It was just overall strange and disorienting, especially since I was leaving the bathroom.
Another time while I was at work, a kid came into the writing center for an appointment, but instead of using the time to work on their assignment, they just stared me directly in the eyes and vented about their (obviously queer and trans) problems to me. It was hella awkward, but I still wanted to support them since I could tell they had only recently come out. One of the reasons my ‘transdar’ (sits right next to my gaydar) went off was because they did not go by their birth name. I am pretty sure they had a stereotypical trans guy name like Aiden or Leo, but can’t remember and don’t want to invade their privacy by trying too hard to identify them. After that appointment, I never saw them again. (I hope they’re doing ok!)
I am almost always the first one in a first-day-of-class scenario to introduce my own pronouns along with my name and major, and usually afterward a lot of other students follow my example with no hiccups. However, I can’t count how many times I have heard cisgender people say they ‘don’t use pronouns’ or don’t know what pronouns they use. Ok, cool, I’ll just refer to you as they/them until you figure it out buddy. :) Besides the fact that they DO use pronouns every day, and ARE referred to by them, this often happens in English classes, for English majors, who really should know what a pronoun is. Come on people!
Another cool and wacky thing that happens is when professors stumble over their words trying to refer to me. ‘She/he/they’ sure does take a while to find its way out of your mouth, doesn’t it? If only there was a good singular, gender-neutral pronoun…. Even if you’re having trouble with they/them, you can still just say my name!! ‘That’s Beck’s bag’ is way easier to say than ‘thats her- uh, I mean his, uh… their bag.’ I always make note of who is trying though, and haven’t outwardly snapped at anyone (yet).
I’m glad that my strange trans and queer experiences were silly instead of violent, as many interactions are. Plus, I know that my presence and loudness as a queer person at YCP are helping others, since my non-binary sophomore friend said that they didn’t get misgendered by anyone in the writing department (What can I say except you’re welcome?). I’m totally down to ‘train’ people who aren’t in the LGBTQIA+ community on how to interact with and talk about it, as long as they are receptive to learning. Take these examples as some silly things that have happened along my journey to making YCP a more inclusive place.
artwork by @somerandomgit on twitter/tumblr